what a horrid start to the new year

I have had all of these great intentions to get my original patterns finished and online, and to simply blog more regularly, etc. Yet, the new year is off to a horrid start. As some of you know, I am caregiver to my Mother who has early-onset Alzheimer's Disease. I've known for a long time now that it has become time to find her a facility that can give her the kind of specialized care that I can no longer give her. However, Friday night she had a seizure here at home and had to be hospitalized. The general feeling of her doctors are that she needs to be transferred directly from the hospital to said facility as soon as her medications are stabilized.

Funny how many ups and downs your emotions go through during this process. In some ways I think it's a blessing in disguise that it is happening this way, because I could never imagine having to deliver her, personally, to a nursing home. And, though I know it's for HER own good, it's heartbreaking to think that she was just here and active and now she's not coming back home. My head has made the decision and made peace with it, as well. But my heart isn't prepared.

Seems as though I am in limbo. I don't have the focus to channel my grief through other outlets. Even my crafting, which normally would be 'therapy', is not something I can focus on. I guess it's just going to take me some time?

1 comment:

Judy said...

oh my ! My heart goes out to you. Please be good to yourself. And write as often as you can. I'll be here. With good thoughts. Love... Judy